Never Let Stupid People Actually Work On Your Car

So I'm going to have to explain some stuff in order for this to make sense...

A while back I took my car in for it's 90,000 mile service. I took it to the shop on the corner, because hey, a tune up, an alignment, some hoses, and some filters is pretty hard to fuck up. So I come back the next day to pick up the car, they politely inform me that I need the following done to my car as well....

1. 4 new tires, apparently the ones on my car are separating...
2. Upper Plenum replacement, supposedly the head gasket is leaking coolant directly into the cylinders...
3. Brake Job including 4 new rotors...
4. Fuel pump replacement...

I walked out of there laughing so hard that the other customers in the place started thinking twice and two turned around and left with me. You see, I walked into the place knowing damn well there was absolutely nothing wrong with the car, they made all these things up.

So everytime I'm due for an oil change I take it into this place, just to see what they'll come up with.

Well the last time I got an oil change they said I needed the upper plenum replaced again, and that I need new engine mounts, because the block was sitting on the lower radiator hose and collapsing it completely. They also told me that there was no coolant whatsoever in my radiator, so they just filled it up with some water.

So I decided to take a look, I popped the hood, lo and behold, hose was completely intact, and no where near close to having the block resting on it, which is not surprising since an Oldsmobile Intrigue is designed like most cars now-a-days, designed for the engine to fall out the bottom of the car in a severe accident, well the same thing would happen if the mounts broke enough to have the engine fall onto a hose... But back to my point.

I figured, okay, they looked at the hoses with the car running, I'd guarantee it, so I start er up, the hose collapses, which is great... but it collapses because the hose is old, really old actually.

So I cruised over to AutoZone... I pick up some hoses, some coolant, and a new thermostat. I replace the hoses, etc, of course as I take off the lower hose the red coolant (GM uses red now, not green) drains out the bottom of the radiator, so that must've been some really bad water they used... Anyway, I put in the hoses, etc, everything works perfectly.

As I'm tossing out the old hoses I noticed they are dated.... 11-17-1998. Hmmm...since the car is a model year 99, the hoses would have been 98...I doubt my 90,000 mile service in 2004 would have put in 6 year old hoses... I laugh my ass off for a while.

So I'm cruising around the other day and my service engine soon light comes on, which I expected, since I broke a plastic end on a vaccuum hose while I was replacing my radiator hoses, the replacement would cost about $6 at Checker, so I opted for the usual duct tape method at the time and went about my business. Well I got this bright idea....I'll take my car into the shop and have them do a diagnostic, nothing else, just make recommendations as to what I need fixed...

So I take it in...The word is, I need an estimated $2900 worth of repairs! So I tell the guy "Did you even run the diagnostic on the car?" he looks at me with a weird look and says "yes, it says you need this work done" I ask, so you plugged in a tech3 and the analyzer said that I need all this work done?

Yes, that's why we made this quote, you really need this work done, you won't make it more than another thousand miles without it, you'll be stuck on the side of the road.

So, I kindly ask him to follow me, he does. I walk out to the car, open the trunk, get the replacement hose and plastic cap, and a tech3 (thanks for the loaner Autozone!)

I pop the hood, replace the hose, plug in the Tech3 and start up the car, run a test, 45 seconds later the results come back....

No diagnostic errors found, would you like to run a performance test as well?

I choose yes.

The engine rev's up to 6000 rpm, and back down, repeats a few times at different RPM's and the results come back:

No errors found, performance = optimal.

I show the guy the screen, he walks back inside. I follow him. He tells me I need to leave, I tell him I'd like a printout of all the work they have ever done to my car, along with the results of the diagnostic they just performed, and the quote he just gave me. He tells me to leave or he'll call the police. I say sure thing, my lawyer will be in touch, several customers waiting in line decide to leave at that one.

I sit in my car, which I have moved about 30 feet away, to a parking space, which is no longer on their property... I make a phone call, about 10 minutes later a cop pulls up in front of the store, goes in, talks to the guys for a minute, then walks over to me, asks what I'm doing, I told him I'm making a phone call before I head on home, and tell him what happened, which he says, is exactly what they said so we're all telling the truth, and that I'm doing nothing wrong because I'm not on their property, but I should probably move along instead of just making them mad.

I ask the officer if he could do me a quick favor first....

About 3 minutes later he walks out of the office with a bunch of paperwork in hand, you guessed it, the records of all work they did to my car, ever, and the results of the diagnostic, which says there was low vaccuum pressure....

Remember cops are supposed to Protect AND Serve, if you ask they'll do pretty much anything you want, as long as it's not illegal, that usually costs.