Rapid Postings

So I've been lazy, it's a condition I've had since early childhood, when school taught me to just stop giving a shit. A has just added to my lazyness, especially in the form of blogging.

So I'm going to do some rapid-fire postings.

1. A while back I left my employment at the criminally mismanaged airport, and when I say I left, I mean they lacked the funds necessary to make payroll. Well about 2 weeks after I left that place, I received a phone call on my cell as I was walking out of a company that actually pays people that do work for them. The caller was Mary, the bosses wife at the criminally mismanaged airport, she was calling me to get my cell phone number in case they needed to contact me......I replied: "Just hang up, press redial and write down the numbers that display on the phone". Some people really should not procreate.

2. I sold a home recently, hence the whole moving, lack of writing, took me 6 friggin months to un-pack and start posting again, just minus the un-packing part. Anyway back to the topic at hand, I finally sold the house after constant delays of over 3 weeks past the closing date thanks to the idiots at my least favorite bank, Bank of America, and the worst title company I have ever encountered, Sun State Title. I finally got a check with my disbursement funds, which was supposed to be issued as a cashiers check, but I had bigger fish to fry... Since the check was not a cashiers check as I was told I would receive, I decided to go directly to the Title company's bank to get it cashed, to which the very gay personal banker I was assigned responded: "the lady that signed this check is not authorized to sign checks on that account". I flipped, after this fiasco I had to spend 3 more days driving around and getting all of this garbage taken care of, and what it boils down to is that I should have just called the police. So any of you out there selling a home, always get the funds wired directly into your account.

3. Speaking of Police, this is one of my personal fun moments lately. I run my own business now, which is great, but occasionally you come across one of those really weird and messed up individuals that can't ever seem to pay their bill. Well this is the story of a "man" named Allen, who owes me a lousy $175, not something to sneeze at but also not something a business should really be worried about. Well, I sent him an e-mail about the past due amount and received a phone call in response. The phone call went something like this:

M: Hi Allen, I was just reminding you that you have an outstanding balance, just send it in when you can.

Allen: Well I see it like this, I gave you a dongle and an SC2 controller several months ago and I haven't received them back.

M: As I told you months ago, I returned those to your employee Joe, if he never gave them back to you, you should contact him to discuss that. You still owe me the $175 either way, just send it in when you can.

Allen: I'm not going to pay until I get my f*cking dongle and controller back.

M: Well, I'll just send your invoices to my debt collector and you can follow up with them, but it's only $175.

Allen: I'm going to kill you, you little dipshit, I'm going to shoot your mother-f*cking ass...... (I kinda stopped listening at this point)

M: I'll be sending your debt to a collector and I'll also be filing a police report regarding your threat.

I hung up on the little dipshit at this point. I called around to a couple police departments finding one that would actually let me file a report, which I finally did. I sent his debt over to my debt collector, and I got an e-mail from Allen a couple days later stating that he was contacted by a deputy regarding the threats, and that he would be filing a report claiming that I stole $2400 from him in the form of an SC2 controller and a dongle (which actually are worth about $800 combined, barely), to which I responded:

Go ahead and contact the police regarding your alleged theft of equipment, I have already contacted the Clark County Police Department and informed them of your whereabouts, seeing as how I found a warrant for your arrest posted on their website this morning.

About 2 days later I got a call from the Clark County Sherriffs office thanking me for my tip, apparently Allen called the Surprise Police and the officer had already been contacted by Clark County thanks to my phone call. The officer asked Allen to come to the station to file the report, he went to the station, and was placed under arrest. I was shocked that he would be so unbelievably stupid, but then I found out that those stupid criminal shows pay for stories. I'll get back to you guys.

4. So S called the other day to catch up on all the latest happenings in the "yah you should have listened to A and I department". I have to post this just so I can say that thousands of people are aware: S has the hots for her cousin and she wants to move back to Montana to be with him. Silly me, I thought these things only happend in Alabama, Arkansas, Texas, and all those other states that have Britney and Cletus' offspring in them. Oh and I almost forgot Apache Junction.

5. Ice cream is not ice cream without gummy bears.

I can't think of anymore right now. S, I'm sorry but I will be obligated to mock and torture you about the cousin thing until I'm hoarse, at which point I will take a few drinks and resume.