For my Wife's Friends...

I'm not trying to piss you off or alienate you in any way. I just call it like I see it, sometimes that pisses people off, sometimes it's as funny as the look on Bill Clinton's face when he heard that she saved the dress....

This one's for you guys:

This one's for my wife:

This one's just for shits and giggles.

Mexify it baby!

So a while back, a co-worker was hanging out in the NOC chit-chatting as we do in the NOC. After-all, it's not a workplace, it's the NOC.... Anywho, as usual, our discussions vary widely, like the other day when I had to call my uncle to find out what the slang term for a chastity belt is....Hey, if you can't handle it, stay out the NOC.

One of the many phrases to be muttered in the NOC was "You know how hispanic people take cars and "mexify them"? This one was worth some attention in my opinion. I decided to Google "Mexify".... Apparently this is a fairly common term, even used by Mexicans. Awesome, we all learn something new each day right?

Then I decided it would be worth doing a Google image search for "Mexify" and "mexican cars". I love Google, without Google, half the really awesome shit in the world would go un-noticed. I thought I'd share some of my findings:

Surprisingly, my results lacked in spinning rims, huge chrome roll bars with lights on them, frills, or my personal favorite, feelers coming off the bumpbers, even lacked in low-riders.

Hey, they're carpooling. Good for you Hombre's.

Yes folks, that's the front-end from a u-haul....

Yes, this actually came up while looking for mexican cars.....In all fairness there is a van on the side, took me a while to find it though.

This on the other hand, may have been a somewhat un-related search.

Tales of the "Chief"

So I've decided to take things in a somewhat different direction. I'm periodically going to do a piece in a series I'm calling "Tales of the "Chief"" based around the actions of a very entertaining pain in my ass. The way I see it, there's plenty of material to be had here, and we've been thoroughly enjoying the amusing antics of "The Chief", often also called "Kaptain Chaos".

Some potential area's for amusement I'm going to focus on:
1. Just daily activities, shit blurted out during meetings.
2. Horrible decisions.
3. Conversations about his "vulva" (cheesy Boston accent prevents saying "Volvo" properly)
4. Previous lives
5. Mac obsession.

Tune in often for updates to the "Tales of the Chief". I will accept recommendations for stories. Some details may be changed slightly for obvious reasons.

I, I, I, I, Just don't know what to say....

I can't even begin to describe the thoughts flying around in my head right now. It's just unpossible.

Halloween, no shortage of entertainment here

Okay so given that Halloween has just passed, I feel it necessary to point out the stupidity of some of the people on this planet.

First and foremost, there was an article I read today in the Denver post talking about how poison control centers got a bunch of calls from people about drinking the fluid inside of glow sticks....Not just children either. Let's take a closer look at this for a second. You have a hard plastic stick full of fluid (calm down ladies) that glows if you break the fragile cylinder inside. Now, this fragile glass cylinder produces tiny shards of plastic or glass or whatever the fuck when you break it. Little shards, that sounds really delicious to me! Yumm! Not too mention, how many fucking things on this planet that glow in bright neon colors are good for you? Unless you're talking about licking some frog found in a rain forest, you are likely to die from it. And in most cases from the frog too, however some will produce a really cool light show before you die. Not as cool as the "floating lights in the sky" that A previously reported, however.

Second act of stupidity for the weekend was courtesy of Tony. His Halloween party to be more accurate, and the video's/photo's of G that will now come to mind every time he enters the office. Also, Tony proposed to his girlfriend. Congratulations Tony and B. We look forward to many, many, many (please? pretty please?) future video's of G demonstrating his utterly hilarious drunken dancing skills.

B, I swear I found this picture before we saw the pictures from the proposal....

What passes as "proof" these days

Seriously people, every fucking day I read an article about "creationism" or some other bullshit that we "must" teach some jackasses precious little snowflake in school because it's somehow better than real factual science.

I remember in school that there were things called "subjects" and in those subjects we learned things that could be verified in dictionaries, encyclopedia's, history books, documentaries, and many other sources. Now we can verify these things online with a simple Google search. Google is awesome. I like Google. Google uses technology to help people find answers. Google "creationism" and the first thing that comes up is talking about the creation myth. Myth. Myth people. Not theory, myth. In other words....bullshit.

The only reason that any of this shit ever even got considered for teaching in schools is because politicians are so fucking scared of offending anyone that they just cave to anyone who whines loud enough. Especially about anything with a mass cult following. Like religion.

Focus for the weekend: "Science"

I like to think I have a very analytical and scientific mindset. I have to for my given field of work, things are the way they are because of certain factors, everything can be explained if you simply try and find the answer. Many in my field are happy with "it's broke, so reboot it". In many cases that works but you didn't figure out why it's broken, so chances are, it'll happen again, and you'll reboot it again. Repeat this process enough times without getting a fucking clue about what you're doing and eventually you'll prove to everyone how much of a dumbass you really are, or you'll buy a mac, but then you're still a dumbass, so the result is the same. Using the scientific method we can determine that it's you that causes the condition of being a dumbass, not the equipment you're working with.

Which brings me to my next series of rants. What the fuck is with all this goddamn creationism bullshit they are forcing down schools throats???? I mean seriously people. You really believe that this shit qualifies as "science"? If you want to teach this stuff, teach it in a religious environment. Schools need to teach facts. It drove me insane when I would ask for proof of something in religion class in high school and would be given another friggin section of the bible or our religion book as proof. Neither of which presented any facts of any kind. This is fine, this passes as "education" at a catholic high school where teachers don't even need to be certified to teach, have any fucking clue what class their teaching, much less any sense of reality.

Now the same quacks that want us to take the pledge of allegiance out of schools want us to teach "creationism" to public school students. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? I can understand that you are clueless or just plain stupid enough to believe that this is actually valid subject matter, but keep that shit to yourselves. Don't infect the next generation with your fucked up creationist theories, they have enough problems already fixing everything my generation, and the previous generation did to fuck up the environment.

As usual, if I have offended you, that's your own problem. I offend everyone equally, come back later and I'll likely be mocking someone you don't like.

The problem with the world today is a serious lack of common sense.

Every day there are prime examples of the lack of common sense in the world today. Just the toher day there was this article:

Kid suspended from school for brining empty shotgun shells to school...What's worse, they were blanks to begin with.
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20091028/NEWS/910280363/1001/NEWS

Seriously people? Spent shotgun shells are probably less dangerous than pens and pencils. In fact, I bet you'd be pretty damn hard pressed to find someone that was killed or injured by spent shells. On the other hand, you might be able to find people killed or injured by pens and pencils pretty quickly. Why do schools now-a-days make such a big deal about nothing? I mean come on. When I was a kid I remember riding my bike to school carrying a 6 foot long model rocket and a duffel bag full of solid fuel model rocket engines, ignitors, and wadding. That same school expelled a kid three years later for bringing a model rocket to school, without engines, ignitors, etc.

Get real people, in fifth grade I had to give a report dressed as Davy Crockett, Davy Crockett carried a rifle... My school's principal said "nice costume". He had common sense and knew that the fake flint-lock rifle in my hand was not a threat to anyone. Neither was the knife, which I carried every day, because a knife is a tool, not a weapon. Now, I'd be branded a terrorist and put on the no-fly list, or sent to Guantanimo Bay. Thanks W.

My teacher at the time said "wow, that's a cool rocket, let me take a look at that." and then used it as a prop for science lessons. Now-a-days all you get is: "oh my god, a model rocket made of cardboard, plastic and glue, everyone duck and cover! call the police!" followed by a lesson in creationism.

The Future of Today's Youth.

MAC OS

No need to elaborate, the picture says it all.

Irony, one of my many joys...

So I was unfortunate enough to have had to suffer the hell that is that of a catholic education. I was fortunate enough however to escape via expulsion. I know, shocking as that is, given my conformist attitude. Anyway, back to my point, one of the many horrible horrible experiences I had to endure was listening to sex ed as taught by priests and nuns. This was appalling, as was pretty much all other attempts at "education" they made at that place.

Our sex ed classes were done during our "religious studies" classes, as if that somehow made sense. Throughout all of the classes the students, who all had more sexual knowledge and experience than the "teachers" (not counting the priests that fucked little boys, they had some experience, obviously) would ask questions specifically designed to make the "teachers" admit that they really had no idea what they were talking about and they would just recommend abstinence until marriage. This class went on for a couple of weeks and then we went back to our normal "studies". While our questioning was really entertaining, looking back I wonder to myself why I didn't point out the obvious:

/me: one please.