So I have commonly been told my blog is offensive

For those that think what I say is mean, derogatory, or just down right insensitive. LEAVE. You see that little X in the upper right, click it and have a nice day.

That's not insensitive is it? Adios fucktards.

In the words of Dennis Leary:

Folks
I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me
About you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottoms of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Or maybe below the cockles
Maybe in the sub-cockle area
Maybe in the liver
Maybe in the kidneys
Maybe even in the colon
We don't know

I'm just a regular joe
With a regular job
I'm your average white
Suburbanite slob
I like football, and porno, and books about war
I've got an average house
With a nice hardwood floor
My wife, and my job
My kids, and my car
My feet on the table
And a Cuban cigar
But sometimes that just ain't enough
To keep a man like me interested
Oh no, no way, uh uhh
No, I gotta go out and have fun
At someone else's expense
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow
In the ultra-fast lane
While people behind me are going insane

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets
And I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time sayin', "How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in the handicapped spaces
While handicapped people
Make handicapped faces

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's a big fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singin' this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...
...
NAAAHHHHH!

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the world's biggest asshole)

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadilac El Dorado Convertable
Hot pink!
With whale skin hub caps
An all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights
YEAH!
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby
At 115 miles per hour
Getting one mile per gallon
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those grease-ball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a Goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why?
'Cause we got the bombs, that's why!
Two words: Nuclear Fuckin' Weapons
Okay!?
Russia, Germany, Romania
They can have all the Democracy they want
They can have a big Democracy cake walk
Right through the middle of Tienemen Square
And it won't make a lick of difference
Because we got the bombs
Okay!?
John Wayne's not dead
He's frozen!
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer We're gonna thaw out "The Duke"
And he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why?
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well, multiply that by 15 million times
That's how pissed off "The Duke"'s gonna be
I'm gonna get "The Duke"
And John Cassavetes
And Lee Marvin
And Sam Peckinpah
And a case of whiskey
And drive down to Texas
And-
(Hey, Hey! You know you really are an asshole)
Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song, pal?
You know, the whole time I thought I was that asshole
And it turns out it was him
What an asshole!

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

A - SS - HO - LE!
Everybody!!
A - SS - HO - LE!

*dog barking noises*

I'm an asshole and proud of it!

How could this happen in such a nice neighborhood?

So the other night there was a shooting at a Wal-Mart near my house that killed two Wal-Mart employees. Of course one of my old co-workers, we'll call him newbie, was there. As shocking as it may seem he actually was neither working there, nor was he doing the shooting. Well I'm surprised given the skillset of most of my old co-workers, I guess things are getting better, or newbie here was just a rare exception.

Well on the news you see the average white trash trailer renter (after all this is Wal-Mart) talking about how she "saaawwr" it happen. She says one thing that catches my attention "how could something like this happen in such a nice neighborhood?". NEWS FLASH LADY, people get shot everywhere, it happens, it's a fact of life. People get shot. Sometimes it's god's way of taking out the trash and sometimes it's just called survival of the fittest, evolution, whatever the fuck you want to call it.

So now, of course, every single news report is about a shooting, one in south Phoenix, I chime in "how could this happen in such a nice neighborhood?". Some report about a sex offender being caught at 35th/dunlap comes on, I pipe in "How could this happen in such a nice neighborhood?". Well there's the usual daily report of a murder in Maryvale, I don't pipe in on that one.

Bottom line people, don't make a fucking idiot of yourself on the news. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

Random Rants

So here I am, sitting at home, trying to take a day off to rest and recover from a long week. I've been dealing with dimwits, misfits, fucktards, etc all week long, you know, customers. Just remember, the customer is always right. Even if in the case of last week I keep getting calls from Becky who needs me to setup a network printer on a print server for her because they need to be able to print and right now they can't print anything at all.

Let me explain this scenario for a minute, they just moved into an office, I setup a simple network for them, dsl for internet access, since cox said "three months at the earliest, and you'd have to pay for us to tear up the parking lot to run lines". They have 4 computers in their office, a copy machine, a fax machine, and 4 usb printers.

Now I know you all caught that last part about the printers. Well those are inkjet printers and they have to print forms, well apparently they are under the impression they can't print word documents on these printers so I "absolutely must get out there now and setup a print server so they can print". Okay so I get a network card for the copier from the guy they bought the copier from. Well I find out that network card is bad, great, here comes the wrath of Becky the bitch. So I decide to get creative, I setup a print server on a linux box using an old e-machine, and configure it to print using drivers from an Apple LaserWriter II. So now they can print to a "Network printer" and this is acceptable.

I had Becky call me so I could walk her through installing the printer on her computer, which basically means double-clicking on it. She gets this with no problem.

An hour passes....

My phone rings: This is Becky, we need these forms in color and this thing is only printing in black and white, I've tried it about a dozen times now and it only prints in black and white.

I'm on my way to the store to find a couple boxes of ammo.